Washington D.C. – A NASA intern has been arrested and charged with grand theft after allegedly stealing over $21 million worth of lunar materials intended for scientific research, reportedly to facilitate a personal experiment involving simulated “sex on the moon.” The arrest was announced by the FBI yesterday following a prolonged investigation prompted by unusual financial transactions flagged by NASA’s internal audit team.
The suspect, identified as 26-year-old Elias Vance, was employed as a research assistant within NASA’s Artemis Program, specifically focusing on material science and sample analysis related to lunar regolith – the loose surface material of the Moon. According to sources familiar with the investigation, Vance allegedly diverted funds intended for legitimate research activities, channeling them towards the procurement of exotic materials, including rare earth metals, synthetic lunar dust analogs, and sophisticated sensory equipment.
“The sheer scale of the transactions was immediately anomalous,” stated Agent Daniel Miller, lead investigator for the FBI’s Cybercrime Division. “Initial analysis revealed a pattern of increasingly large payments to specialized suppliers, many with no discernible connection to NASA’s research objectives.”
Investigators determined that Vance’s intentions were not related to advancing scientific understanding of the Moon, but rather to create a highly elaborate and potentially dangerous experiment. Sources close to the investigation, speaking on condition of anonymity, revealed that Vance’s personal philosophy centered around achieving a perceived “union with the moon.” The plan involved utilizing the collected materials within a specially designed, hermetically sealed chamber, purportedly to simulate a sexual encounter while experiencing sensory input mimicking the lunar environment.
“We’re talking about a level of delusion and resource mismanagement that is frankly astounding,” Miller added. “The potential for harm – both to himself and to the integrity of NASA’s research – was significant.”
The FBI executed a search warrant at Vance’s residence, uncovering a substantial collection of the stolen materials, alongside detailed schematics and operational protocols for his planned experiment. Vance is currently being held without bail, facing charges including grand theft, fraud, and reckless endangerment.
NASA officials have released a statement confirming the incident and emphasizing the seriousness of the allegations. “NASA takes allegations of misconduct extremely seriously. We are cooperating fully with the FBI’s investigation and will take appropriate disciplinary action based on the findings,” the statement read. “We are reinforcing our internal financial controls and security protocols to prevent similar incidents from occurring in the future.”
The investigation is ongoing, and further charges are possible.